Everything reads well; in storyboard terms you might need to add in a few more panels to ensure all the content is made available; so for example, you might consider unpacking the sequence more so when the salesmen is reading about the tern; right now you've got it simply as 'he reads some stuff' - but wouldn't there be some intercutting here to ensure we know what he's thinking? So, the book falls on the ground; he looks down; POV shot of open book; shot of salesmen narrowing eyes and leaning forwards a bit (he's interested): POV shot a bit closer to the book (he's becoming more engaged with it): and then shots singling out the salient bits of info etc. I think you need to direct this sequence, because really you're showing us the salesman's thought processes here.
In terms of character design, I think you've established a winning formula in line with the tone of your story. Your next challenge is to give them the model sheet treatment - so turn them through 360 degrees and really explore them as '3D models' in the offing. Likewise, your latest update of your environment idea is working nicely - subdued, but not too dystopian.
You've worked hard to get this story resolved, and tonally I think you've generated an effective visual concept. Very encouraging, Charlie - so, what I want you to think about now - especially in terms of executing your animatic - is enriching your story though some sensitive direction re. bringing out your salesman's inner-monologue - I want to know exactly what he's thinking - and how he's feeling about it. Onwards!
OGR 05/02/2015
ReplyDeleteHi Charlie,
Everything reads well; in storyboard terms you might need to add in a few more panels to ensure all the content is made available; so for example, you might consider unpacking the sequence more so when the salesmen is reading about the tern; right now you've got it simply as 'he reads some stuff' - but wouldn't there be some intercutting here to ensure we know what he's thinking? So, the book falls on the ground; he looks down; POV shot of open book; shot of salesmen narrowing eyes and leaning forwards a bit (he's interested): POV shot a bit closer to the book (he's becoming more engaged with it): and then shots singling out the salient bits of info etc. I think you need to direct this sequence, because really you're showing us the salesman's thought processes here.
In terms of character design, I think you've established a winning formula in line with the tone of your story. Your next challenge is to give them the model sheet treatment - so turn them through 360 degrees and really explore them as '3D models' in the offing. Likewise, your latest update of your environment idea is working nicely - subdued, but not too dystopian.
You've worked hard to get this story resolved, and tonally I think you've generated an effective visual concept. Very encouraging, Charlie - so, what I want you to think about now - especially in terms of executing your animatic - is enriching your story though some sensitive direction re. bringing out your salesman's inner-monologue - I want to know exactly what he's thinking - and how he's feeling about it. Onwards!