Hey Charlie - congrats on pushing it along nicely. Some observations: while I think the 'punch out' of the bed is going to work nicely, the timing is off - we shouldn't be hearing the line about the boy's parents while we're still looking at the bed because at this point we're in the boy's reality, whereas the line about the parents returns us to their reality. I think you should try cutting to the punch out scene on the 'up' of 'wind *up* with him dead', then let the shot play out without the narration - then cut back to the boy as the narration starts again. I also think that the movement of the bed is too much - it sort of shows us your cards so to speak - it should be a simpler shot - just a contra zoom that sort of says 'This bed is not to be trusted!' I also think instinctively the camera should actually move up from the floor to show the whole bed, as if the camera is moving up to peep over the feet of sleeping giant or dragon. I think this shot could be simpler - at the moment it's a bit too special considering all that is to come.In terms of framing, I think you're a bit to aligned to the right in some of the final shots - so at about 1.20, when the tendril hand comes in, all the action is pushed up against the right hand side of the frame, leaving the left side empty - I'd nudge everything to the centre a bit more so the hand finishes close to the left hand side of the frame - it would mean the boy is more in shot. The same is true at 1.29 - it just feels the boy is too close to the edge of the frame in terms of composing that shot comfortably.
Hey Phil, Thanks for the feedback! I agree with all of that and will try tweaking it.